Welcome Parents!

For youth to walk into a Seacoast Outright meeting it takes a lot of courage, but it can still be intimidating. We know that it can also be difficult for parents to drop off their children, not knowing what to expect. Sexual orientation and gender identity can be tough subjects for people to talk about. We have experience talking about sexual orientation and gender identity in a sensitive and respectful way — we’ve been doing it for fifteen years!

What happens at Seacoast Outright meetings?

At Seacoast Outright, we create a safe, welcoming, relaxed atmosphere. New youth are attending groups almost every week, so we’re comfortable meeting new people. More than likely, your youth will be greeted individually by one of the four adult facilitators soon after they enter the meeting space. As a parent or guardian, you’re welcome to come in and say a brief hello and meet the facilitators before the group starts. The meeting space is usually pretty hectic before we start; it would be difficult for you to have an extended conversation with facilitators. If you’d like to have a more lengthy discussion, we encourage you to contact one of our Board Members with any and all questions.

Guidelines & Intros

Once group starts, the first order of business is to go over the guidelines of the meeting. After that, there’s a brief introduction time where youth can share some basic facts about themselves with the group: their name, where they’re from, age, and their sexual orientation and gender identity. Youth are free to share as much or as little as they want, and it’s always ok to pass if they’re not comfortable talking in a group.

After guidelines and intros, we usually break up into two smaller groups. A typical Friday night group will have anywhere from 20–40 youth in attendance. With numbers that high, we’ve found that smaller groups allow youth to talk more easily. Each small group will have two adult facilitators there to keep the conversation safe and moving.

Small Group Discussions

During the small group, youth choose the subjects to talk about. Since it’s a support group meeting, the facilitators try to keep the topics geared toward issues that youth are struggling with. These can range from coming out (to friends, family, at work, at school) to relationship issues, to dealing with homophobia in different areas of their lives. In addition to their struggles, youth also talk about their triumphs. The facilitators encourage youth to give feedback to each other – as adults who deal with adolescents; we’ve seen that first-hand that words and advice from peers are much more powerful than from adults. So we give youth every opportunity to support each other.

Break and Announcements

After our small group sessions, we have a brief break where youth can chat together or have a short conversation with facilitators. After break, we get back together for announcements of what’s going on locally and we usually wrap everything up right at 9:00 pm.

Resources

Facilitators also have information about lots of local resources, from glbt-friendly therapists and psychologists to health-care agencies and crisis support lines. We keep a wide range of accurate information on hand to provide to youth.

A note on safety

Yoga by Donation (where we hold meetings) is a chem-free and smoke-free environment. It is also served by local public transportation. As a precautionary measure, Seacoast Outright youth may not enter the meeting space until there are at least two adult facilitators present. All adult facilitators have completed an extensive training program that includes a police background check. Yoga by Donation and the building close promptly after our meetings get out. Please arrange for your youth to be picked up at 9:00 pm. We will not leave youth at the facility without a ride, but we will not provide transportation for youth.

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What does Outright say to my child about being gay?

One question that we’ve been asked by concerned parents is whether or not we’re going to tell their child that it’s ok to be gay. The answer to that is an unequivocal YES. But we would never tell any youth that he or she is gay, straight, bisexual, or anything else. Our mission is not to tell any person what his or her sexual orientation or gender identity is. We believe in simply creating a safe space for youth to talk, ask questions, receive accurate information, and get support from their peers.

We believe that being gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans or straight is not something that someone can choose or that someone can change. What can be changed is how youth feel about themselves. The well-being and safety of the youth that attend Seacoast Outright is our top priority. We’ve spent fifteen years creating safer spaces for them and will continue to provide this space as long as it’s needed.

What do I do if my child comes out?

Parents respond in many different ways when they discover that their child is gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, or questioning his or her sexual orientation or gender identity. Reactions can range from anger, grief, and disbelief, to pride in the courage it takes for a young person to come out. There are many resources for parents coming to terms with a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered child. One resource is an organization called P-FLAG ("Parents and Friends of Gays and Lesbians").

The parents at P-FLAG understand the many reactions you can have when your child comes out. They also understand that they are affected by homophobia, and that it is a struggle to get beyond it. When a child comes out of the closet, parents sometimes go into the closet to begin their own journey of acceptance and coming-out as parents of a glbt child. When a child develops the courage to reveal his or her sexual orientation to loved and trusted family members, those family members are sometimes not prepared. Sometimes family members withdraw their love, and a family tragedy begins.

P-FLAG is a wonderful organization committed to helping families stay together in loving relationships. P-FLAG sees Seacoast Outright as an integral part of that effort. There are state chapters of P-FLAG, like P-FLAG NH, as well as a national P-FLAG organization.

Seacoast NH P-FLAG meets on the first Tuesday of each month from 7-9 p.m. at the Stratham Community Church (Emory Lane, first right west of the Route 101 traffic circle).

For more information on NH P-FLAG, call (603) 772-3893, or (603) 772-5196.

The Heterosexual Questionnaire

One way for straight people to start thinking about what it's like to be gay is to read through the "Heterosexual Questionnaire" by Martin Rochlin.